Loss of desire

Other than the GP or medical services, I am unsure as to who, we understand as adults , would be the most appropriate person to share our concerns about sex with. Because of this, it can feel unnatural, awkward to approach anyone, even your spouse about a sexual problem.
When a couple discover suddenly that there is a sexual issue, or alternatively have known about the problem prior to marriage, but believed it would change afterwards, then find it has not, the start of a new life together can start to deflate like a balloon. Disappointing, frustrating, upsetting, guilt and hurtful are just some of the feelings expressed about this situation. Each spouse worries that they are the one responsible, and have the other down. Added to this, is the at times, slow process of accepting the problem is serious and is real, after all it is assumed by everyone that after the wedding day ends and the honeymoon begins, full married life immediately begins. The next step is commonly two options; visiting their GP. It is always good to talk through sexual problems with your GP as it may need medical attention. Where there is no medical basis for the problem, the GP may decide the problem is ‘all in the mind’. A good proportion of couples in this category will be referred to sex therapy, but also sadly a number of couples are not. I have heard stories of couples receiving insensitive or inappropriate advice to the ‘problem of their virginity’ from their medical services, this includes being told that the problem is inexperience - this is not helpful, or advised to have a drink of alcohol and watch porn - which can offend, and even more crushing must be receiving your first prescription for Viagra at aged 27 years. Happily, a lot of couples do find their way to the help they need, but this can take some time. The other option is to do nothing. It would not be unusual for me to meet couples who had lived in an unconsummated marriage for many years. They had held on firmly to a belief that ‘it would sort itself out, whilst others had given up after the cycle of ‘trying and failing’ took its toil on the relationship.